I have recently thrown myself back into the dating pool. I didn't make this decision easily. I was married by 21 and had two kids by 22. I have dated the majority of the state of Iowa, or so it feels that way, and I haven't felt like really giving it a solid effort for a long time. Who has the time for that kind of thing? Plus, men are pigs right? But I had an epiphany about these disgusting child like male forms. Ladies, listen closely...they aren't that bad. Men think about one of three things at all times; 1. Sex 2. Sports 3. Food/beer. That doesn't mean they are simple minded. Of course there are other things that enter their brain space. Men deal with kids, work, friends, body issues, family, relationship problems, etc., just as we do. However, while he is looking at himself naked in the mirror, critiquing his physique, he is probably doing so in hopes of being more boneable. When women do it we are usually worried about what other women think of us and how our ass looks in the new jeans we bought, not for men but for our own pleasure. If we are being honest with ourselves we can admit that it doesn't matter how many times a man tells you you're beautiful, if you don't believe it then he just becomes a dirty liar that you're now angry with for some reason. For no reason. Women are crazy, I don't make the rules. When a man is having a deep conversation with you, he may be thoroughly enjoying it, but he's also watching your mouth move and considering what it would feel like if his dick was in it. When he tells you your shirt looks nice, it's probably because your tits look good in it. When he comments on your new dress, he's hoping you don't have panties on underneath. And when he buys you something nice, I am not saying he didn't do so with love and sincerity, but he also wants the sex. When women come to realize and accept this, it makes it much easier to live among these creatures. In saying this I assure you I am not saying that men are dumb or simple or perverted, in fact I'd say much of the opposite. Don't get me wrong, complete perverts, but I've met some very intelligent and complex men and guess what? Still thinking about where they can put their penis. It's nature. Is this bad for women? Is it all a lost cause? Absolutely not. In fact, I think this is amazing news. I recently ran this epiphany by a very intelligent and successful man over dinner and he almost seemed surprised that I was understanding this and accepting it. Here is the thing, women are nuts. Men have been accepting that for a long time because we don't give them a god damn choice. So your man doesn't wash his hands after he pisses, I promise he's not doing it to upset you. He forgets your one month anniversary? You shouldn't be celebrating that anyway, you're a grown ass adult. He didn't notice you walk in the door with a new hair cut because he was watching football...who cares? Let him do his thing. Do you like your hair? Good. I promise you he doesn't give two shits. If he loves you, he loves you no matter what you do to your hair. If he has that much of an opinion on it, he's probably more fucked than you. He stared at the waitress a little too long when she walked away from the table...Well, does she have a nice ass? Seriously, look at it. Can you blame him? Start worrying when he's checking out fat nasty bitches. I do not know a single human being that doesn't check other people out. Unless you are unfortunate enough to be blind, you're going to look. Now look at that waitress again...is she really a threat to you? If you're in the right relationship, the answer is always no, without hesitation. He wants to go out with his friends for a guy's night? Thank god. This sounds like the perfect time to take a long ass bubble bath, catch up on a good book and have a night of silence. He'll be back to farting in his sleep in no time. And I promise that the less you try to control him, the more he will appreciate you. Giving him time away allows him to say all the gross things you don't want to hear anyway. I see women who have their husband on a short leash and I can't help but cringe, because I was that woman. I didn't get it. I wanted him to tell me I was pretty at least 10 times a day, bring me flowers for no reason, rub my feet without asking, sweep me off my feet every day, the whole fairytale shit. Yes, those things are very nice and appreciated at any time, however it's not what a relationship is. As much as you want all those things, the equivalent to him would be coming home from work to find you standing in the doorway in sexy lingerie and stilettos. Sure, you may do it now and then but your hormonal ass isn't doing it every day. A relationship is trusting someone when they are away from you, communicating about your worries, hopes and fears without reservation, laughing until you pee and letting them know you peed, being comfortable enough to be your absolute self, and most of all, letting. things. go. Give him room to breathe. Give him room to fuck up. When he's drunk and decides he wants to prove that he can break that board with his fist, sit back and let him do it. Just smile and have an ice pack ready. Don't push him to share his feelings with you all the time. This whole "what are you thinking about right now" thing that girls do, is bullshit. If he wants you to know what he's thinking, there's a good chance he will tell you. If you don't know how he feels about you then sit down and address it, but don't get to the point where you need the daily confirmation. Just let it be. I only say all this because I was that girl. The poor men that have had to deal with my needy ass, I'm so sorry to them. Alright, I'm not really, but it's a nice sentiment. So why are men more complicated than women? They aren't. Don't make it hard for a man to just be a man. And men, if you have a woman that sees that, love the fuck out of her. She's like a god damn unicorn.
Live it hard...
-Masquerage
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